did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
