I just saw a hot homeless man
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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