Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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