nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
