I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
