I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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