As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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