Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
