Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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