I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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