Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
