i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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