You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
