My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
