I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
