if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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