If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
