i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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