o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
