my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
