it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
