Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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