i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
