I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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