I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
