i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
