At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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