I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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