he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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