It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
