Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
