Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
