i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
