i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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