My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
