Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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