Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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