I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
