ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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