I'm laying in your front yard are you home
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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