That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
