if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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