Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
