His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
