Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
