he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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