dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
