I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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