I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
