Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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