He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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