we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
