I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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