I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My penis needs a shock collar
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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