A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
