I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
