I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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