i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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