Im at strip club and am horny
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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