Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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