There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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