I am puke
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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