Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is wine microwaveable?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
