i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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