btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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