Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
