What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
