there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
