I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
