Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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