Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
