shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
