just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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