Will you blow on my dice?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
