This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
