I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
