McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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