If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
