my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
