atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Houston, we have a blender
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
