OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
