No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
