Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can Purell be used as lube?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
