Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Randomize
