Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
