Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
