Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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