Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
